


Boyhood Things

by pearl_o



Category: due South
Genre: Backstory, M/M, Post-Canon, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-04-13
Updated: 2005-04-13
Packaged: 2017-10-05 19:23:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearl_o/pseuds/pearl_o
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DS Flashfiction entry for the "Fraser's sexual exploration" challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boyhood Things

Ben kissed Innusiq the day before he and his grandparents moved again. He and Innusiq had hiked down into the woods, ostensibly to say good-bye before Ben had to go. They both sat around, rather glumly and silently, and Ben rested his chin on his knees and watched Innusiq scratch at the ground with a stick.

Finally, though, it got on to suppertime, and Ben reluctantly got to his feet. Innusiq did the same, and they stood awkwardly together for a minute.

"I have to go," Ben said.

Innusiq nodded. "Okay."

That was when Ben made the decision to kiss him. He leaned forward quickly, before he could change his mind, and pressed his mouth against Innusiq's for a long moment before stepping away again.

"Bye," he said, and Innusiq blinked at him.

"Bye, Ben."

Ben turned around and ran to his grandparents' cabin.

During supper, his grandmother thought he was still sulking about the move, and after the third time he didn't respond to one of her questions, she sent him away from the table and to his room. Ben plopped down on his bed and took a deep breath; his heart was still racing, and his palms were sweaty.

He had done it; he had kissed a boy. It was his secret, his little rebellion that no one else knew about.

He thought he would do it again, too.

* * *

Ben kissed Andrew on the bench while they were putting on their ice skates. No one else was watching them -- Ben had looked around to check -- so Ben took the chance, put a hand on Andrew's knee and kissed him quickly for a second, before he got up and skated onto the pond.

Ben could feel Andrew watching him all through the game, half-frowning in concentration. Ben looked at him straight on, once, and Andrew turned red and looked away.

After the game, though, Andrew ran to catch up with Ben and walk home with him. And he was the one who kissed Ben, then, on the way back, and who tugged Ben off the path to hide along the side of the old Williams place, and who pushed him against the wall so they could kiss some more, until they were both flushed and sweaty and excited.

Ben kissed Andrew again after the next game, and the game after that -- and the time after that, Andrew rubbed his hand against Ben's pants until Ben was wet and sticky, and Ben did the same for him, feeling powerful, feeling giddy, feeling like _his own man_.

* * *

Ben kissed Oliver on his eighteenth birthday, following an inexplicable and frustrating visit from his father. His father's visit had been a surprise; nothing in his rare letters and communications had given Ben any reason to think he would see him any time soon. Ben wasn't sure he had been there for his birthday since before his mother died -- for that matter, he wasn't sure his father realized it _was_ his birthday.

But there the old man had been, either way, talking on and on while Ben stared at the floor and said "Yes, sir" and "No, sir" and "No, we do things differently now" and "They say I'm doing very well, actually" and "Yes, I'm starting in the fall" for twenty minutes. And then Dad had disappeared again, like he had never been there, and Ben had sat on his bed and stared down at his fists until Oliver knocked on his bedroom door.

Ben pulled himself together before he answered the door, but Oliver gave him a weird look and told him Ben's grandmother had let him in; he wanted to do if Ben wanted to go for a run or something.

"No, not right now, I'm afraid," Ben said.

Oliver scratched his arm and gave him another look. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Just a little tired," Ben said. He tried to smile

"Oh. Okay," said Oliver. Ben hoped he would go away, then, but instead he said, "Was that your dad here earlier?"

They sat on the floor, leaning against Ben's bed, and Oliver told Ben all about his mom and dad and how rich and snobbish they were, and how suffocating their house was, and how he thought they had moved him up here just to punish him, and Ben told Oliver about how his mom had died when he was little, and he had grown up with his grandparents and never saw his dad, out in the middle of nowhere, mostly, even less urban than Inuvik, and how they never stayed for anywhere for longer than a few months, anyway. Ben had never talked like this about his family before, and part of him felt guilty, complaining about them out loud like this, telling someone else all the things he thought in his head. But it was thrilling at the same time, too, daring to say it.

Finally they both were quiet. Ben could feel Oliver's shoulder, pressing against his. His chest felt warm all the way through.

"Can you keep a secret?" he said, looking at Oliver.

Oliver shrugged. "Yeah, of course."

Ben leaned forward and kissed him, very gently and carefully. Oliver made a surprised noise against Ben's lips, but he didn't pull away, and Ben closed his eyes and kept kissing him. After a little while, Oliver's mouth opened up, letting Ben's tongue in. After a little longer, Ben pushed him down slowly, until they were both on the floor, Oliver underneath him and Ben half on his side and half on top. Oliver's breathing was shallow and fast. When Ben slipped his hand under Oliver's waistband, Oliver shoved Ben off him hard and scrambled to his feet.

"I'm not -- I don't do that." He didn't look over at Ben as he fixed his shirt and patted his hair down.

"My mistake," Ben said, trying to get his breath back. "I apologize."

Oliver shook his head and crossed the room. At the door, he hesitated with his hand on the knob. "I won't tell anybody," he said to the door. "About you."

"Thank you," said Ben. "I appreciate that."

Oliver hesitated again, and then left, shutting the door heavily behind him. Ben lay still on the floor, folding his hands together across his belly, and stared at the ceiling and waited for his arousal to fade.

* * *

Ben kissed Mike and Paul in the middle of the night, in one of the old shut-off rooms on the grounds. Mike had found the way in a few days before, and he guided them there at midnight, till they were all sitting around in the dark, dusty, private place.

Ben had brought a flashlight, but they turned out not to use that much. Paul had brought liquor, which they turned out to use an awful lot.

Ben had never drank more than a few sips of alcohol before, but it made him feel good almost immediately, warm and happy and light-headed. Everything seemed to make sense, everything felt natural. Ben moaned when Paul kissed him, and then Mike, and then he watched them kiss each other and ran his hands down both of their backs.

Paul had brought Vaseline, too -- Ben had never done this before, never done anything but mutual masturbation a few times, and a blowjob once -- but it felt good, really very good. _A real man would never allow himself to be penetrated_, Ben said to himself, hearing his parents and his grandparents' voices, disapproving in his head; _he'd die before dishonoring himself like that_, and Ben laughed breathlessly and clutched at his sweater on the wood floor while Mike entered him.

Paul lay beside him and kissed him and stroked his erection while Mike thrust in and out; Mike came first, and Ben groaned at the feeling of his semen inside him. And he thought it was over but then Paul was inside him, still pulling at Ben's penis, and Ben came with a great shudder, spilling all over himself, and Paul's hand, and Mike beside them.

Ben avoided both Mike and Paul for the most part after that, nodding at them distantly in the halls, but not anything more intimate. Still, though, he was glad they'd done it; it was a good memory, worth the risk they had taken in getting caught, even.

* * *

Ben kissed Felix the night before he left for his first post. The next day, he would be a man, in all senses of the word; he was grown now, and he had responsibilities, and he had duties. He'd leave boyhood hijinks behind him completely.

So that made this his last chance, then, and Ben didn't want to waste it, so he looked up venues as discreetly as he could, and dressed up nicely, and went out to a bar, where he danced with a very pleasant man named Felix who tasted like beer and smelled like smoke and who had very gentle hands and a smile that made Ben's knees weak. And he followed Felix to his home, where they proceeded to have a sexual encounter that was more than satisfactory, on both sides.

All in all, Ben thought, it was a perfectly satisfying bookend to that part of his life, and he shut the door on his youthful rebellion with only the slightest edge of wistfulness.

* * *

Ray Kowalski kissed Ben in the tent on the first night of their adventure.

"I been thinking about that for months," he said. His hands were still clasped on either side of Ben's face, and he was close enough that Ben could feel each of his breaths on his own lips.

Ben swallowed. "I have, as well," he admitted. He brought one hand up to the small patch of skin on Ray's neck, between his hair and his collar. "I thought--"

"You thought what?" Ray said. His eyes closed as Ben stroked at his skin.

"I thought I'd grown out of it," Ben said finally; Ray's short bark of laughter was both unexpected and welcome.

Resting his forehead against Ben's, Ray said, with fervor and seriousness, "Fuck that."

He waited for the satisfaction of defiance, of rebellion, to overcome him, but after a moment he realized it wasn't coming. Just joy, and desire, and love. There was no one to defy now, after all -- there was no one to prove anything to, even in his own head. Just him, and Ray, here together. Ben could feel a stupid grin forming on his face.

"Fuck that _indeed_," Ben said, and he kissed Ray again.


End file.
